Never Give Up

Do you ever look back on your life and laugh at some of the crazy things you have experienced? (Or is it just me?) One area of my life that was so pathetic it was funny was my dating history. If there was a psycho, lesbian or truck driver in a 100 mile radius they would find me.

I should have known after my first date that it was all downhill from there when the guy I was on the date with was arrested while we were eating at Pop's Place in Jefferson City. Luckily his friend drove me home.

My friends were always trying to set me up with one of their boyfriend's friends. One time my friend Crystal's boyfriend brought two friends for me to chose from. One looked like a petrified porcupine and the other looked like the gingerbread man. I went with the gingerbread dude. Another time, her boyfriend brought his cousin who preceded to get sick on me.

Then there was the guy my friend fixed me up with that I was allergic to. I kid you not. Wherever he touched me, I developed hives. I think that was a hint from God that he was bad news. That was a Benadryl moment.

I have attracted all types of guys with all types of pickup lines:

The truck driver who asked "Do you want to go to Memphis?" Uh, no thanks.

The guy who asked me to dance and I didn't discover he only had one leg until I was already on the dance floor. That was interesting.

The window cleaner who said "I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

The maintenance man at our building who left chocolate-covered strawberries on my desk one Valentine's Day with a card that said from a secret admirer. I finally told him that God puts everyone in our lives for a season and our season was over.

Numerous guys have tried to impress me with this line: "I have dental insurance."

The rodeo clown with green hair hitting on me during the rodeo.

And then the not-so-funny-at-the-time-but-now-you-have-to-laugh moments like the time an ex-boyfriend jumped on the hood of my car at a red light. My friend Kim and I went behind Hawk's pool hall and tried to "bump" him off my hood by Kim tapping my fender with her car. He would slide but not pop off, hanging on to my windshield wipers. I finally gave up, drove to Burger Chef, went through the drive-thru and said "Can you call the police, I have a psycho on my hood." I pulled over to wait for the cops to arrive with Mr. Psycho still perched on my hood. When the cops arrived, they asked "Hey boy, whatcha doing up there." Mr. Psycho's reply: "I just wanted a ride." They made him get off my hood and as I was backing out to leave, he stuck his foot under my car tire and I ran over it. He yelled that I had run over his foot. I stopped while still on his foot and said "Well, you shouldn't have stuck it there." and drove off. My friend said the cops were cracking up. Mr. Psycho wouldn't go away and I finally had to have him arrested for stalking me which lead to my first and only court appearance. My one witness had a big hickey on her neck. Both lawyers were laughing and then I saw why. They were passing a drawing of a stick figure on the hood of a car to the judge. Mr. Psycho was told to pay restitution for the damage he did to my car from kicking it, put in jail for several months and barred from ever bothering me again with a lifetime restraining order. Of course, he was dumb enough to try to contact me a few times but I called the police. He finally decided he didn't want to go back to jail and left me alone. He actually tried to Friend me on Facebook. It's nice to see he is still crazy.

God had mercy on me and brought my Mr. Right into my life and he has treated me better than I could ever imagine or deserve.

So the moral of the story is to never give up even when there is a psycho on your hood:)